Belching For Dollars! / by Dana Bergstrom

You know what's so great?


It's one of the many joys of being alive.

Ever since I was a kid, I've made numerous, fruitless attempts to learn how to belch. It just looks like so much fun.

Yet even with tips, tricks and loads of encouragement from my friends (Drink pop really fast! Swallow lots of air! YOU CAN DOOOOO IT!), I've never been able to bring up any kind of noise from the depths of my being - that primitive part you'd think any feral human worth their salt in wildness could engage. I absolutely cannot do it.

So if I ever experience a lil' burp, it makes MY WHOLE DANG DAY!

I get crazy giddy.

My sweetie, on the other hand, ain't impressed.

A nice belch is so rare for me, that after each precious one, I begin gleefully laughing, grateful that this lovely stomach breeze miraculously rose to the level of vocalization.

And I so badly want to share my JOY with someone! 

However, whenever I glance over at Pauly with wide eyes and a big smile, I always find him staring me down with a look of disgust.

"Really, Dana?" he often says, peering over his glasses.

Yes, really! And it was amazing! So don't even think about looking down at me, Mr. I-Can-Burp-The-Entire-Alphabet-Like-A-Gorgeous-Gassy-God-Anytime-I-Want.

I sat down to write this post because I just had one of my fabulous belches and began snickering.

But this time, instead of giving me the ol' stink eye, Pauly smiled and told a story.

When he was a kid living in Alaska for a summer, he'd heard that the indigenous people would burp after a meal.

"They said that Eskimos belch as a way of saying 'Thank You'. And when it's accompanied by a giggle that means they really enjoyed it."

"I must be part Eskimo!" I shouted, not caring whether this is an actual factual custom or not. "I love burping sooooo much!"

Then out of nowhere, my brain flashed to a super exciting TV show I enjoyed in my childhood in the 70s, "Bowling for Dollars!"

Which, of course, was immediately changed to my dream game show "Belching for Dollars!"

And even though I wouldn't make a dime playing that game, it doesn't matter.

One tiny burp plus a giggle is enough to make me feel like a winner.

Life's simple pleasures.

They're the best.