Please, Fancy Lady, Bugger Off / by Dana Bergstrom

Hey there! If you're fancy and you've really GoT It GoInG oN, I'd love it if you'd stay far, far away from my general area, okay!? 'Cause if you don't, my inner bully's gonna go all-out bonkers on me.'s the deal...your clothes are ultra stylish and they look impeccable on your tall, thin, toned body. Your skin is gorgeous and there's not a hair out of place. Your posture is perfect and you walk around smiling all of the time.

You appear to have your shit together.

And my shit, according to conditioned ideas of femininity, isn't even traveling in the same general direction.

I prefer stained, ripped and loose clothes that I can get dirty in. I can easily go for a few days without remembering to comb my hair. My posture is slouchy from years of attempting to hide my boobs.

But whenever I see you and your kind, my ego leaps up and shouts, "See that fine looking woman, Dana?! Get your act together and be more like her. Lose the potbelly and straighten out your spine. MAKE AN EFFORT! You need an exercise and diet regime and an entirely new wardrobe 'cause yooooouuuu ain't cuttin' it."


See why I'm avoiding you, fancy lady? People who look like rich models/fashionistas push all of my ego's "should" buttons, and attack my externals, which is how our culture often defines people.

But then last month, we met briefly at the Sacred Art of Living and Dying seminar and you asked if we could connect regularly to encourage each other on the journey of our souls, our inner beings. MY FAVORITE SUBJECT OF ALL TIME! I love that idea!

However, I don't think it's gonna work because, ya know, you're fancy.

So I ask a question. I want to know why you wanna talk with me about these things, and my ego is positive it's because you want to "fix" me and my less-than-perfect feminine image.

You look at me and express a strong desire to dig deeper into truly knowing yourself. I can tell by your eyes that you're for real. You really want to do this. I do too.

But I'm still pretty sure we won't hit it off.

So I send you a link to My Wife Yells just so you know what kind of feral human you're dealing with. You deserve a fair warning, Fancy Lady. And I'm certain that my blog will scare you away for good, sparing us both many awkward moments.


You text back and say that I'm a delightful writer.


I decide you just haven't read enough posts to know what I'm really like.

But I also know that my resistance to you is NOT about you.

I have a wonderful opportunity to get to know another person, another beautiful soul in a human body and all I can hear is my ego. All I can see are my culture's images of worthiness and I feel like I don't measure up.

But this is part of why I'm on the planet - to face any ego BS and limiting conditioned beliefs head on so I can drop them and live life as I truly am.

You and I got together at my house for tea this week and I'm so happy that you didn't bugger off.

I loved every minute!

Our connection showed me that a clearer focus on energy/spirit/soul is just the beginning of allowing many fun, unique, fascinating and possibly even more [gasp!] fancy experiences into my life.

Fancy that!