I was yukking it up while putzing around the house.
Breaking out in a smile, I'd randomly shout "Pauly! Jesus is coming!"
My sweetie would look outta the corner of his eye and then silently go back to whatever he was doing.
That response would make me even happier, so I'd yell, "Jesus will be here soon!" only to be ignored again.
I entertained myself with this nonsense for two whole days.
A week before my predictions began, I'd spotted this fellow standing in the Pizza Hut parking lot.
While staring at him at the stoplight, I realized that the concept of a scary God has always been with me.
The literal Christianity I grew up with had a strong emphasis on fear and Hell. As a result, I've been ambivalent about Jesus.
But then I stumbled upon A Course in Miracles, a thick book of archaic yet beautiful language, that was channeled by a Jewish lady in the 1960s.
This unusual text is Jesus retelling his message of how "Perfect love casts out fear".
By focusing one's thoughts on love and wholeness...then sin, guilt and fear can not and do not exist.
It's a challenging practice because it means undoing years of habitual fearful thoughts of "not enough" in a world built on a belief in scarcity.
This shift in perspective has massively altered my life experience from daily gloom and doom to only monthly, hormonal bouts of gloom and doom!
During those bouts I haven't burned any fixer uppers to the ground, even though I've thought about setting several buildings ablaze. I've also managed to maintain relationships, avoid arrest and I continue to roam the streets as a free woman!
Hmmm. Maybe testifying for Jesus isn't my thing.
There are lots of teachers offering the same message of "All is well.": Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Abraham-Hicks, Adyashanti, Jeff Foster.
But I especially love Jesus' teachings on non-judgment.
The man holding the sign that day actually inspired me to hop on Amazon and order an action figure.
I love my bendy armed Jesus!
He's a playful reminder to direct my energy towards wholeness and strengths, abundance and freedom, creativity and joy.
Plus, I also got to enjoy many hours of loudly predicting the coming of Jesus!
Thanks to Amazon Prime's shipping policy, I totally nailed it.