This being alive thing is AMAZING! Are you ever just completely stunned by life itself? At how magical it all is? Ya know...snowflakes and puppies and daffodils and thick, gooey chocolate cake goodness? Some days, like today, I totally am.
My heart is beating all on its own. I don't have to tell my lungs to breathe or my eyes to see. I can dance if I wanna. I get to direct my energy to communicate thoughts and feelings, and as a result I get to experience these incredibly love-filled connections with loads of beautiful animals and humans.
I'm so happy to be here!
So why would I ever complain about anything?
Like whining about being an overly needy introvert, which I'm embarrassed to say I've done on this blog.
Well, because I sometimes forget how fantastic it is to be alive.
I forget, I overthink stuff, and I start to find things "wrong". My ego/inner bully gets in the driver's seat and I start waving my arms and hollering about what I want to be different so that I can feel okay.
Or in lieu of screaming, I get on the computer and start typing away about how my extrovert husband is smothering me because I don't think I can, as a woman, claim my own space. Thanks to my awesome murderous uterus, as of last month, I have a new perspective and I now claim my solitude out of the wholeness of desire, not out of lack-based neediness.
Yelling happens. And so do low vibe, whiny introvert blog posts that no longer ring true.
But the great thing is that I can always choose again every moment. I can take a breath, remind myself that all is well, because it always is, and then I can move on.
My friend, Marian, said it in such a memorable way in an email the other day.
"It's a process, not something that you finally get right. It's something that you remember-forget-remember-forget-remember-forget and so on. That's the way it is, and as you say, it's not bad or a failure... it's the learning process."
Holy crap! Why did I ever think I came to this Earthling body to try so hard to be perfect? How did I fall for that crazy idea? Why is it so tricky to remember that life is about learning and expansion and discovery and fun? And who is defining "perfect" anyway? Some strange external authority?
I define what I want to be and how I want to be. No external authority (family, friends, clients, spiritual text, society, etc.) can make that decision for me.
Sure, they can provide guidance as to how I want to live, but to give ALL of my power to something outside of me...well, that doesn't feel good at all.
Whenever I give my power away like that, it results in a constant monitoring of my thoughts and behavior (and sometimes others' thoughts and behaviors) to make sure we all measure up to this unnecessary external authority. And that's no fun.
Yet, this is another fabulous perk of being alive! Discovering that I get to do life the way I wanna. Through the contrast of pleasant and unpleasant experiences, I'm learning to shift my perspective so I can experience the joy of life in a human body.
It's so great!
Remember - forget - remember - forget - remember - forget.
Yep. Today I'm remembering and tomorrow I might forget. No biggie. I can just choose again.