For the first time in my life, I’m ready to make a to-do list that has ZERO FEAR behind it. Today feels like a big day.
The core of fear comes from the belief that I am not whole and perfect as I am. It comes from the belief that I am this tiny, fragile, vulnerable body-mind who has to work hard to obtain a sense of security and prove her worth and deservingness of love and acceptance. Fear comes from an idea that I am separate from Love/All That Is and that I need to put in a lot of intense effort in order to make things okay. In essence, fear comes from the sense of lack and this is what the inner bully thrives on.
Today I am making a to-do list from a place of knowing that I, as my inner being/true self, have nothing to prove, nothing to gain, and nothing to lose. I am making a to-do list because I think these things on my list will either be enjoyable to do or will be useful in creating even more joy! That’s it. I've never done this before. My lists have always been born out of a belief in lack.
This small task feels so revolutionary because I was conditioned to believe that I was severely lacking. I was told at an early age that I was born inherently sinful and bad and this lack-based idea filled me with fear. And I've recently begun to question this belief and to test out what it feels like to believe the opposite. It feels pretty fantastic.
Original sin is the doctrine that many of us start out with if we grow up in the church. And if we didn’t get a huge dose of fear-based religion at the get-go, the concept of original sin is also quite popular in the secular world. It’s called “You’re not good enough as you are.” And I think ALL of us got that message as kids, if not from our parents, then we got it from our teachers, classmates or friends. The idea behind it is absolutely no different than original sin.
The only difference between original sin and the secular version of "You're not good enough" is that the latter concept doesn’t come with such a highly specified doctrine of religious beliefs and actions that you should take in order to “get saved” or “be redeemed” to be considered a good enough person. This version is more generalized - be beautiful, make a lot of money, be well educated, be successful, be faithful to your spouse, sacrifice for your country/family, be a politically active Democrat/Republican (depending on your bent), etc. We each have a slightly different belief system on what will make us “good enough”.
Here’s why beginning with this premise of "all humans are born inherently wrong and broken" totally sucks: It takes us out of the beautiful present moment and when we're not present, we feel crappy.
It makes you create to-do lists in the hopes that if you just get your house remodeled and in perfect order, THEN you can feel good about your life. If you save exactly the amount of money your financial planner told you to save, THEN you can finally feel secure about your future. If you lose a certain amount of weight, THEN you can feel confident in who you are. If you read a few more highly regarded parenting books, THEN you’ll know how to properly raise your children and you can feel good about your identity as a mom or a dad. If you get that Ph.D. or Masters Degree, THEN you'll have proven that you're smart enough. If you just publish your work, THEN you’ll be seen as successful in the eyes of the world. All of this is total bull.
You are perfect exactly as you are. I accept that about you. And since I’m not listening to my inner bully at this very moment, I can accept that about me too. I can also accept that about Donald Trump.
Yes, Donald Trump is spouting off some wild shit that’s sounding a lot like Hitler. But, guess what? He’s perfect exactly as he is too. He's simply being run by his ego/inner bully. That's all. Donald Trump doesn’t need to change who he is for anyone to be happy. He gets to live in his world of fear-based ideology if he wants, but here's the thing - we don’t have to join him there if we don't want to.
I’m surprised that I'm about to quote from the Bible which continues to be used to promote the ideology of an angry, judgmental God and so much fear and hate, but this great passage just popped into my head:
Matthew 7: Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
I no longer read this as if God is going to judge me if I judge someone else. That is how it was explained to me, but I don't believe in a judgmental external authority any more. That has not been a helpful idea for me. It was too full of fear.
I now read this passage like this: If I participate in any fearful, judgmental thinking, I get to experience a fearful, judgmental reality. I create my entire experience with my thinking.
The only way Donald Trump can trigger me is if I decide to join him in being fearful. He is afraid that his personal well being will be threatened by immigrants, by Muslims. He is afraid he will be lacking somehow. This is why he spouts off hate, which is just another form of fear. Donald Trump is mostly being run by his fearful, lack based inner bully. And we ALL do that sometimes.
However, we cannot fight fear with more fear. And when we judge him, we are joining him. We are condemning him. And if we condemn him, then we believe that we can also be condemned. We're believing in our inherent wrongness and brokenness again and the inner bully/ego has taken us over. It is an endless cycle of the belief in sin, guilt and fear that can only be stopped within oneself.
And when I stop it within myself, then EVERYTHING changes. The way I perceive the world shifts. And that, dear reader, is what is called a miracle - a shift in perception! That's why blaming anyone or anything else outside of me is a ridiculous use of my time and energy. It doesn’t work. It only perpetuates that I am and that others also are victims of the world. We are not victims. We are powerful creators. With our thoughts.
And I shift between my fear-based ego/inner bully and my love-based true self/ inner being all day long with my thoughts. We all do.
I’ll end my little ditty today with something my friend, Serena, posted on my wall, saying it reminded her of me talking about the inner bully.
"An old Cherokee told his grandson, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth."
The boy thought about it, and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?"
The old man quiety replied, "The one you feed."
Today I'm going to choose to focus on what feels good and lovely and true. Inspired action can only come from a focus on love. And that is how I change my world.