I said I was done with My Wife Yells but these words poured outta me this morning and it seems 100% fitting to wrap it up here.
Okay, so…last yelly post, for realz.
I'm inching my way toward what we like to call "Divorce Day" in our house. It always takes place a few days before my uterus realizes we're not pregnant again and it does its thing to regenerate a new lining for next month's evolutionary attempt to populate the Earth.
I could've used the weird 8th grade health class phrase about the uterine lining "sloughing off", yet it doesn't sound right because my uterus is anything but lazy.
That powerful organ and its associated hormones create a whole lotta activity in my world.
Ya see, around this time of the month, every single thing that Pauly has ever done or is doing or may ever consider doing to annoy the heck outta me bubbles up in the form of persistent thoughts.
And my challenge is to ignore those thoughts and keep on truckin as if everything’s cool.
I'm embarrassed to say that I rarely make it through a perimenopausal month without listening to them and coming to the conclusion that, well...
our 27 year-long relationship is eternally doomed.
I don't think this is gonna work out, I say.
I’ve gotta leave.
I can't do this anymore, I tell him.
It's too hard.
And then patient Pauly checks the calendar and goes...Yup seems 'bout right. We're coming up on Divorce Day.
That day is when the mind training work, which I've been doing to maintain a sense of inner balance, completely falls to pieces.
The nice thing is that I recognize it before I do anything I'll regret…like jumping in my car and driving to somewhere ANYWHERE south of (currently negative 27 degree) Duluth without saying a word.
I know I'd be super warm, but, it won’t actually help me.
I also know that the only thing that truly brings me contentment is being connected with my inner being.
Pleasant external events (including warm weather) are always lovely, but what matters more than those is my connection with the energy that created and sustains me and everything in the entire cosmos.
Some people call it being connected with God, or Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. Others feel the spirit of the Buddha or Muhammad. I love to sense my unity with everything, so lately I've been calling it a Seth term, “All That Is”
I'm still developing my daily toolbox to enhance my present moment spiritual/energetic connection to the energy of All That Is.
And, so far, the tools include: conscious breathing, meditation, trampolining, dancing, drinking water, eating more whole foods from the planet, Jin Shin Jyutsu self-awareness holds, spiritual reading, solitude, and authentic connections with other humans on the same path.
When I opt out of using the tools and forget my Source connection, my perception of the world gets out of balance and I’m more susceptible to believing unhelpful thoughts.
As I'm writing now, I can see how I could stand to add a whole lot more tools to my toolbox.
A daily journal entry listing all of the people and things I appreciate would be a really great tool.
Paying attention to my posture as I sit and work at my computer would enhance that connection, too.
Maintaining an awareness of the sounds that are going on around me (like our hard-working furnace right now) as I'm completing my tasks would also keep me attuned to my surroundings. I have a tendency to zero in on whatever I'm concentrating on, ignore the environment, and lose that part of my connection.
Everybody's got their own unique ways of linking up to life's energy and that's what makes each being so interesting. And it’s also why the idea of one true religion doesn’t make sense to me. We’re all too unique to have only one path of connecting with our Source.
Something just hit me.
What if my uterus is stirring up all of these anti-Pauly thoughts every month because it thinks Pauly can't get it pregnant and that's why it's pissed?
I was the one who got our tubes tied, but maybe this is an evolutionary thing to get me to move on to someone else who it thinks can get the job done?
Hmmm, nice theory, Dana.
But how about we take responsibility for our thoughts, not blame the uterus or the procreation instinct, and beef up the connection toolbox for the soon-to-be-here Divorce Day.
You'll be happy you stayed connected to your Source aaaaand to your sweet partner (who totally rocked his wedding mullet) and who is also on the same path of ever-expanding consciousness as you.
Sounds like a plan.
Thanks again for reading.
My Wife Yells, over and out.