My Eyebrows Are Out To Get You / by Dana Bergstrom

Discovered my first grey eyebrow hair the other day.  

It was smack dab in the middle, right in between both brows. It was crazy looong and wiry.

My first response was to pluck that bugger as fast as possible.

My second was to yell at and blame my husband.

"Pauly! Why didn't you tell me I had a giant grey antennae sticking outta my forehead!"

"I didn't see it."

"Geez! I don't wanna stab people with my eyebrows as I walk down the street!"

Holy crap.

Those grey ones are totally invisible and freekin’ lethal.

I think it's really odd that my immediate response was to blame someone else for not telling me.

I did the same thing with my grrlfriends at one of our weekly gatherings, after I'd realized that I was turning my little inner bully versus inner being philosophy into a kind of rigid belief system.

I was getting a bit worked up and condescending about people's fear-based religious beliefs, spouting off about their attachment to being afraid of God, when I caught myself.

I was shocked and disturbed by the intensity of my judgment. I was acting like I was right and they were wrong.

"Why didn't you guys tell me I was turning this into a dogma?!"

I scrunched up my face as I stared 'em down and hollered.

"You gotta say something!”

The grrrls all smiled at me and claimed they didn’t notice it either.

I seem to think I need some kind of help or supervision with my eyebrows and my dogmatic leanings.

But like everything in life, it's 100% my responsibility.

Nobody else is in charge of my experience.

However, I'm still gonna forget this sometimes.

So if you see me coming at you, strolling down the street, move your precious self out of the way of my killer eyebrows. Just in case.