I've posted recently about my awkward party chatter.
And today it's REALLY starting to bug me that I dislike small talk so much.
But that's only because I think I suck at it.
I've been so busy judging small talk and the fact that it exists, that I've never tried to improve my skills in this area.
But you know what?
I don't like how I feel when I'm judgmental.
When I'm not looking for what's lacking or wrong, I feel free.
Of course, I'll always have preferences, but it's the pushing against people and things that feels crappy to me. That's conditional love. And non-acceptance of WHAT IS is the root of all suffering.
With this last post, it became obvious that I'm super judgy of small talk and I've been suffering unnecessarily because of it.
I mean, even the name causes me to cringe a little.
"Small talk" makes it sound like it's a waste of time, but it's not.
It has the potential to blossom into beautiful, meaningful convos I love to have about how magical and completely wild and wacky life is!
Judgment comes from fear.
And today I realized that I'm afraid of being myself with someone I don't know. And it's 'cause I'm feral and excitable and I have a lot of not-so-mainstream ideas and experiences, which haven't even made it on the blog. Yet.
What if this new person and I don't have a single thing in common? What if we keep reaching for something to talk about, but there's nothing there? #introvertanxieties, right?
And if it ain't clicking, when can I get up and walk away before my cheeks begin to hurt from fake smiling?
That's just nuts.
I'm not gonna fake smile anymore.
DAMN FEMALE SOCIAL CONDITIONING.
Okay, let's call bullshit on that one and be done with it.
[Dusting off hands and throwing Pleasant Girly Girl Nonsense away]
I bet there are some great books on the art of meeting new people that don't involve faux grinning till your face goes numb.
Book suggestions welcome and appreciated.
So today on my Facebook feed, a class on the ART OF CONVERSATION pops up.
But it was for $49 bucks.
Facebook knows what I'm thinking about and that I'm on a budget.
WELL! I dig Krista Tippett and her On Being podcast. She's a master at the biz and I think this is a great start.
I love how life always presents the very next thing for me.
It knows I'm done pushing against chitchat.
I'm here in this body to enjoy myself, and that's what I'm gonna do.