Small Talkers, It's Gonna Get Wild / by Dana Bergstrom

I'm not crazy about small talk.

Deep, juicy conversations are the best.

Or if I can't have those, then I want nonsensical, goofball ones.

Those are just as fabulous!

Pauly and I sat next to a guy at a house warming party who had a record player on his shirt and I asked him if he was a DJ.

He furrowed his eyebrows said, "No," and looked at me like I was nuts.

However, I completely ignored that social cue because my DJ LOVE momentum was MUCH too strong to stop. I'd already become super excited by his shirt and proceeded to tell him that I was crazy about DJs because I looooove to dance and they just make me soooooo happy.

He said he was wearing it because he enjoys music. Then he looked at my solid brown shirt with nothing on it and asked if I was unemployed.

Right there the convo went from ridiculous to funny. I loved it.

I've actually spotted this guy from a distance a couple of times around town since, and I think, "Oh! It's DJ Tyler!" and I smile to myself for an unreasonably long time.

But I haven't chased him down to chat again because I REALLY, REALLY WISH he was a DJ. And by the annoyed look on his face when I first asked him about it, I'm pretty sure he still isn't one even though he fools fools like me with his snazzy outfit.

That same gathering birthed some more fabulous nonsense about how I love to kill Pauly's dreams. As it turns out, I'm not the only spouse who thrives on ruining every fantasy and idea of the one I love! So we discussed matching Dream Crusher Halloween costumes with another beautifully nutty couple.

I'm gonna get this one because it highlights my best features - my potbellies.

If all of my party chats were this silly, I'd attend lots more non-dance related gatherings.

But today I think I finally came up with a new way to avoid small talk FOREVER!

From here on out, depending on my mood, I'm either going to sit in a corner and eat quietly by myself or I'm going to excitedly start all conversations like this:


[Massive smile and enthusiastic hand shake or hug, depending on how well I know you]

So, insert your name here, what's your favorite thing about being temporarily alive in a body?!

Because I just want to acknowledge, right up front, that we're all gonna die.

Ya know, get it out in the open.

You're gonna die.

I'm gonna die.

It's not small talk anymore.

Shit's gettin real.

Aaaaaaand I've moved the convo directly to the BEST THING on planet Earth. You get to share what you LOVE about being alive!

Now we don't talk about how your feet hurt from shopping all day or how you feel about the stinky weather (unless it's crazy, extreme, death-defying weather- I love that), or the lack of gluten-free options at the party. Blah blah boring-ass blah.

You know you don't like this kind of talk either, right?

Instead, we just acknowledge that life in a body is short and we're here to enjoy it!

If the person answers my question or even says something ridiculous, then I know we're gonna have fun.

Or if they look at me weird and walk away, that's also perfect.

I just saved us a lot of time and massively improved the party for us both, didn't I?

Sure did!

See you at the next shindig!