I've changed the initials of PMS to TDY. It's a more accurate description of what happens to me during the premenstrual syndrome in perimenopause. For those of you unfamiliar with perimenopause, it's a phase of human female life where PMS symptoms (general rage, junk food cravings, rage about junk food cravings, cramps, rage about cramps, acne, rage about acne) get jacked up by one thousand and the best part is that PMS now occurs more than once a month. Yesssss!
During my completely insane perimenopausal PMS moments all I want to do is drink tequila, eat buckets of donut holes and go on wild yelling sprees. Tequila, donut holes and yelling sprees - TDY.
I could really use an outfit for these occasions. A pair of pajamas emblazoned with little images of liquor bottles, pastries and a screaming woman's face would fit the bill. I would march around the house in my fuzzy, pink flannel TDY PJs reigning with terror. "I will not shower! I will not comb my hair! I will stuff my acne riddled face, scream and buy ridiculous stuff online!"
Ridiculous stuff like this below. I was tipsy and TDYing when I decided to go to www.BlueQ.com, which is one of the funniest retail sites I’ve ever seen. (You can go there sober and still have a fantastic time.) While looking at the sale section through my drunk goggles, I saw this little notebook for 99 cents. LET IT GO.
"Oh, that's a chill message I could use when TDYing! Gotta have it!"
So I ordered the notebook along with a bunch of other fun things.
When the box of goodies arrived the following week, I had wrapped up the manic TDYing and was relaxed and happy. I opened my sweet and oh-so-enlightened LET IT GO notebook and on the inside of each page, written in large letters was "TOTAL BITCH". This was not at all expected. I was shocked and disappointed. For about 1.5 seconds. Then I remembered, "Wait! I am a total bitch! This is perfect!”
You know what's so great about middle age? So many things! The most significant is that I've begun to embrace the entirety of me without judgment. And I find the less I judge myself, the less inclined I am to judge other people. I'm more accepting of my potbelly, my grey hair and double chin. I'm also acknowledging my ability to be kind, loving, goofy, thoughtful and a raging perimenopausal lunatic. It’s all me. It's all part of the wholeness of this experience in a human body. And it's pretty fantastic.