Sexy Sexiness I'd Rather My 90 Year Old Father-In-Law Not Know About / by Dana Bergstrom

A strange, out-of-the-blue idea floated into my consciousness one day as I was lying on the floor during my morning bodywork practice.

"Ask your Facebook friends if they have an old, unused iPad or iPhone that they'd like to see put to good use."

My inner bully immediately told me that I'd look weird and needy if I did such a thing, but I ignored her, stood up, posted it and then went back to my natural chiropractor routine. I made a decision to not listen to her cruel words even though she kept them coming.

Within three hours I was offered an old iPad and iPhone. Both of the kind, generous friends who responded were happy to give their unused technology a new home and I was beyond thrilled to receive them. It pays to ignore the inner bully.

Many years ago I became the self-appointed Fun Technology Provider for my in-laws. I'd be given free, old computers, then I'd pass them along to my in-laws and teach them how to use their new goodies. Assisting with any technology related questions has been a great little bonding activity between me and my father-in-law. I'm extremely happy that I can be helpful in this way to them, especially since I never bothered to give these lovely people any grandchildren. It's been mentioned more than once over the last couple of decades that maybe we could get on that? Hey! How 'bout I give you guys computers instead?

Anyway. The old Dell laptop that my father-in-law uses barely boots up and it takes forever to get an email. He also wants to take pictures and see them instantly and this is getting tricky on his current digital camera. An iPad would be ideal. He could easily check his email for news from distant family and his Christian missionary friends, plus he could take and keep photos on it. That's all he really wants to do.

I picked up my used, new-to-me, super awesome iPad from a wonderful family friend in Nebraska at Thanksgiving. So exciting! Soon after we arrived home, unpacked and got settled back in, I worked on getting it ready. I have all of my father-in-law's Gmail info since I initially set that up for him, so I thought I'd get the iPad tuned up beforehand so we can spend all of our time together in learning how to navigate it. I also knew he'd need a YouTube account installed because I'm sure we'll be sending him all kinds of fun woodworking videos. We've remodeled a few houses together so we bond over that topic too.

Well, I got those two things set up and I was so pleased with my fantastic work that I decided to reward myself with a little video. You know...maybe a hot love scene from a movie or something to get the 23 year old marriage sexy sexy ball rolling before joining Paulycakes in the bedroom? Yeaaaaaaah! Great idea, Dana! Sometimes I think I'm so smart. Hubba hubba.

The next day I got on the iPad again to see what else I might like to set up and that's when I noticed that YouTube was suggesting

All

kinds

of

TERRIBLE

DIRTY

NASTY

CRAZY

SEXY

THINGS

FOR MY FATHER-IN-LAW TO

W A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A T C H !

N O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O !

I DO NOT WANT THIS!

ERASE! ERASE!

DELETE! DELETE!

OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT!

In a wildly anxious screaming fit, I leapt out of the chair, shut down the iPad and got it out of my hot, little hands as fast as I could. I nervously laughed at how quickly I'd become a screaming lunatic and I was so shocked by the whole ordeal that I opted to pretend that none of it had occurred. Yep. YouTube is definitely NOT recommending naughty videos for my father-in-law. Never happened. I walked away, immediately put it out of my mind, and didn't even tell Pauly what I'd done.

Well, several days later I spotted the iPad and recognized that my mental state was now calm and focused and ready to deal with my dirty, little secret. I'd never had to cover my tracks on YouTube before but as it turns out, it's a cinch to clear the watch and search history. However, just to be on the safe side, I ran a playlist of actual carpentry videos so the iPad will only think that my father-in-law is interested in hard wood, screwing, and nailing things in the most innocent of ways!

For Pete's sake, YouTube! You and your sexy algorithm gave my heart quite a start! But leave my 90 year old father's health well alone! Or wait. Maybe it'd be good for him. Oh! I'll let him figure that out on his own!