A Conversation With A Perimenopausal Woman / by Dana Bergstrom

While getting ready for bed last night, my mood took an insanely steep nose dive. Every little thing I was doing seemed to require extreme effort - getting undressed, washing my face, brushing my teeth. In the blink of an eye, my vibe had totally tanked and simply being in a human body felt like a massive ordeal.

So as I stared into the bathroom mirror while Pauly was all snuggled up in bed, I began all kinds of moaning and groaning - like ya do when it's important that everyone knows just how horrible and terribly trying your existence really is.

Me: Ugh! What’s the point of all of this?! Of being in a body?! What's the fucking point?!

Pauly: Oh. You're getting your period.

(I pause in disbelief at the man's stupidity.)

Me: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!! AND DON'T BLAME EVERYTHING ON MY PERIOD!!

Pauly: Are your boobs swollen?

Me: TOTALLY SWOLLEN! THEY'RE MORE UNCOMFORTABLE THAN EVER BEFORE!

(There had been complaining all day about how much they hurt.)

Pauly: Are you grumpy?

Me: YES!

Pauly: Are you a little horny?

Me: Kinda.

(Now I'm smirking. I'd loudly declared my amorous intentions while pawing at him over lunch, so he knew the answer to this question too.)

Pauly: If a large pizza showed up at our door would you eat most of it?

Me: Uh-huh.

Pauly: Do you think you’re getting a new pimple?

Me: Definitely.

Pauly: See? You have five reasons for your mood right there. I have never had five reasons in my life! And I'm SO GOOD at detecting when it's coming on because you get like this twice a month now!

I was laughing crazy hard by the end of the conversation. I quickly wrote it down and suddenly had all kinds of wonderful, happy energy to get ready for bed, which then took no effort at all.

Perimenopause ain't for the faint of heart, people.

I so appreciate that I get to experience it with an exceedingly patient, super wise and funny man, who doesn't mind being shouted at by a feral woman to EXPLAIN THE MEANING OF LIFE! while he's attempting to go to sleep.

At some point, I hope I can remember to ask these types of questions of myself to keep my hormonal inner bully from taking me over, but until then I'm just going to hope that both Pauly and his normally upbeat attitude survive it. Perimenopause affects the whole family.

Well. It seems that this post has inadvertently turned into an NBC public service announcement.

The more you know about perimenopause...